


Eye Contact

by hatae



Category: GOT7
Genre: Confusion, Drunken Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Yugyeom-Centric, okay, okay supernatural fandom, there's a tag for 'misunderstood dean'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:51:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hatae/pseuds/hatae
Summary: A hand ruffled his hair. Yugyeom looked up warily, but didn't pull away. Jaebum was looking at him with gentle eyes and a small smile on his face. The exact opposite of the night before. Then he'd looked at him with barely contained lust in his eyes and a smirk. Yugyeom pulled away hastily when that thought entered his mind and stood up, ignoring the slightly bewildered look on Jaebum's face. Eye contact was a definite no no right now. "I'm gonna take a shower", he announced abruptly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Have some Yugbum. There's not enough fics about these two. Which I was really surprised about when I first decided to check on this site, because their chemistry is literally amazing??
> 
> This is unbeta'd and since english is not my native language there might be some grammar mistakes here and there!

Bringing Jaebum home after their night out had been a mistake. He shouldn't have offered to take the other boy. He pulled his hyung out of the pub. Well, he dragged him, more like. Jaebum was so drunk off his ass he couldn’t even properly stand on his feet, let alone walk. 

 

Yugyeom allowed the other boy to rest his head on his shoulder in the taxi, only pushing him away when he made a sound Yugyeom immediately identified as a retch. Thank god it only turned out to be a sleepy sound, though. 

 

He paid the taxi driver when they arrived at their dorm and dragged the other boy towards the door of their dorm, grabbing into his pocket for the keys, letting the other hoy lean against the wall while he opened the door. 

 

Yugyeom, however, wasn't completely sober either, and fumbled with them for a while. Just when he’d managed to slide the key into the key hole arms encircled his waist and a warm body pressed up against his own. 

 

For a second Yugyeom was sure it was some saesang fan, but then a low voice whispered into his ear.

"Yugyeom, hyung is lonely." 

Yugyeom suppressed the shiver of pleasure that went through him at the sensation

"We're home now, hyung", he slurred back. 

Jaebum whined and tightened his grip, pressing even closer, making it impossible for Yugyeom to move inside. 

 

"Hyung, let me go. We're still outside, what if someone sees us...", Yugyeom whispered when the rational part of his mind finally sprang into action. 

 

"So what. It's not like were fucking in the middle of the street or something", Jaebum complained, right next to Yugyeom’s ear. Yugyeom almost choked on his own spit at Jaebum's vulgar choice of wording. 

"Hyung, let go. Let's go inside", Yugyeom said, a little firmer this time, pulling at Jaebum's hands. 

 

"We could, though. If you wanted to.", Jaebum went on, completely ignoring Yugyeom, much to the younger's dismay "I'd do you."

 

Yugyeom did choke this time, coughing into his hand. He turned towards Jaebum with watery eyes and an incredulous expression, but he was met with dark and serious eyes, instead of the teasing ones he'd expected. 

 

"I'd do you", Jaebum said again, staring directly into Yugyeom’s eyes. 

 

The young boy was suddenly way too aware of the crotch pressed against his ass. Especially when Jaebum bucked his hips a little.

 

"Would you like that?", Jaebum whispered lowly. Yugyeom's heart was beating so loudly in his throat, he was sure he wouldn't be able to answer. Before he could even start recovering he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye. 

 

The fans! They still weren't inside! Everyone could see them. 

 

He harshly pulled out of Jaebum's grip, which was easier now that the older boy wasn't holding him tight anymore. He pulled the door open and sprang inside, pulling a disoriented Jaebum, who'd almost fallen on the ground thanks to Yugyeom's force, inside as well. 

 

It was only when he'd slammed the door closed that Yugyeom could properly breath and, more importantly, think again (maybe it also had something to do with the fact that Jaebum wasn't dry humping him anymore, he didn't know). 

 

What the fuck was that?! What the hell was wrong with him? Why didn't he just push Jaebum away. The other boy was shitfaced. He probably didn't know what he'd been doing, but Yugyeom wasn't _that_ drunk. 

 

Yugyeom groaned and buried his face in his hands, cursing himself and Jaebum and all those fans that were waiting outside day and night and...

 

"Yugyeom-ah." 

 

He looked up and was surprised at Jaebum's proximity. Before he could say or so anything Jaebum moved even closer, clumsily pulling Yugyeom in as well. 

 

It took Yugyeom five whole seconds to realize Jaebum was kissing him.

 

That Im Jaebum, their cool and very heterosexual (or so Yugyeom had thought) leader was kissing _him_. 

 

It wasn't a gentle kiss, Which wasn't very surprising, this was Im Jaebum they were talking about. The guy that had pushed a fan against a wall on stage (in a hot way, not a violent one). The guy that was always all up in his face, spitting cruel words when they were fighting. 

 

Now Yugyeom found himself pushed against the wall and he knew that Jaebum's mouth was too busy to be snapping at him. 

 

Although this was all very confusing the very first ten seconds, Yugyeom couldn't help but be pulled into the kiss, enjoying the way Jaebum's lips moved against his own, even pliantly opening his mouth when Jaebum urged him to, ignoring the taste of alcohol. Or maybe he was savoring it, he didn't know.

 

He even moaned when Jaebum broke the kiss with an obscene plopping sound, licking his spit slicked lips with a smirk. The younger boy licked his own and swallowed the taste of the bitter soju Jaebum’s left in his mouth. 

 

It seemed that brought him back to the real world, now that the kiss and the adrenaline rush were out of the way all he was left with were his thoughts. Which were all over the place, to put it lightly. 

 

"Hyung-", he whispered disbelievingly. 

"I'd _so_ do you, Yugyeomie", Jaebum said, still wearing the same smirk. 

Yugyeom let out a choked noise, somewhere between a disbelieving snort and a hysterical giggle and pushed the other boy away. 

 

Jaebum stumbled and hit the wall on the other side of the corridor, he hadn't fallen, but at least that goddamn smirk of his was gone. He was staring at Yugyeom with glassy eyes, a tiny frown on his face.

 

"I'm going to bed now", Yugyeom said weakly, quickly running out of the hallway and towards his room. He just removed his shoes and jacket and crawled under the covers, squeezing his eyes shut and praying they both wouldn't remember this in the morning. Falling asleep as fast as he could was made harder by the fact that he could taste Jaebum's fucking Soju with every swallow he took.

 

\--- 

 

When he first opened his eyes he didn't remember at first. What happened the night before was somewhere in the back of his head. He yawned and stretched, fidgeting uncomfortably in the skinny jeans he hadn't pulled off the night before. 

 

He looked at his alarm and saw that it was already half past ten. Thank god they hadn't had a schedule that day. 

 

He looked at BamBam's bed, the other boy was still sleeping soundly, snoring softly with his mouth wide open. 

Yugyeom stretched and stood up, scrunching his nose when he smelled the stench of alcohol on his own clothes. He'd shower in a bit. First he decided to get something to eat. 

 

No one was up yet he noted as he walked into an empty kitchen, already illuminated by the sunlight creeping through the closed binds. He walked towards the cabinet and pulled a box of cereal out. 

 

He yawned and went to grab the milk when he heard someone else enter the kitchen. 

 

"Good morning, hyung", Yugyeom said without looking around. 

 

"Hey, Yugyeomie." 

 

Jaebum's voice was scratchy and raw and Yugyeom was sure he was hung over. He wanted to laugh, but a heavy feeling in his stomach stopped that. 

 

He frowned and grabbed the carton of milk with a shrug. 

 

"Jesus, Yugyeom. Did you sleep in those clothes. Go shower, will you?", Jaebum, who'd moved to the cabinet behind him to get bowls, said in his ear. That seemed to trigger his memories. 

 

Getting Jaebum home, his body pressed against his own, the whispered filth, the rush of panic when he realized they were being photographed, the harsh kiss,..

 

The carton slipped out of his numb fingers. 

 

"Aish, Yugyeom! What are you doing?"

 

Jaebum bend down quickly, picking the carton that had slipped out of Yugyeom’s numb fingers up. The damage had already been done, though and Yugyeom felt the milk soaking his socks. 

 

Jaebum looked at the small puddle at their feet with a frown and stood back up. 

 

"What a waste...Be more careful next time."

 

Yugyeom quickly averted his gaze when Jaebum looked at him. He nodded and grabbed the milk from his leader, awkwardly stepping past the older boy, doing his best not to touch him, and sitting down at the table. 

 

Jaebum followed suit, seating himself in front of Yugyeom and still talking, despite his scratchy voice. 

 

"I'm serious, Yugyeom-ah. I'm pretty sure that's our carton of milk. Everyone needs to have some of this before we get some new one later today." 

 

Jaebum was either acting as if nothing had happened or couldn’t remember. Yugyeom suspected the last, he'd had a lot to drink and was infamous for forgetting his drunken adventures. Yugyeom still wasn’t over the time he’d woken them all up at night by drunkenly running through the dorm with a kazoo, blowing the rhythm of ‘A’. The worst thing was that they couldn’t even tease him about him the next day, since he couldn’t remember.

 

Yugyeom nodded and carefully took the bowl out of Jaebum's hand, irrationally afraid that him touching Jaebum would trigger the memories or something. 

 

"Didn't you do this last time as well? With the orange juice?", Jaebum continued. It was beyond Yugyeom how he managed to keep speaking with his wrecked voice. 

 

"That was Youngjae-hyung", Yugyeom protested quietly, quickly starting to chomp his cereal down, wanting nothing more than to get out of the room and away from Jaebum’s presence. 

 

"Really? Well anyways, just make sure to be careful next time." 

 

"I will", Yugyeom humored their leader quickly, his mouth full. 

 

"Swallow before you speak, Yugyeomie."

 

"Sorry", he murmured, swallowing all the cereal in his mouth, pulling a face when the four spoons he'd shoved into his mouth without swallowing went down his throat all at once. 

 

Jaebum chuckled at the expression on Yugyeom’s face. A hand ruffled his hair. Yugyeom looked up warily, but didn't pull away. Jaebum was looking at him with gentle eyes and a small smile on his face. The exact opposite of the night before. Then he'd looked at him with barely contained lust in his eyes and a smirk.

 

Yugyeom pulled away hastily when that thought entered his mind and stood up, ignoring the slightly bewildered look on Jaebum's face. Eye contact was a definite no no right now.

 

"I'm gonna take a shower", he announced abruptly. 

 

"But you haven’t finished…I haven’t even started eating yet!", Jaebum said confusedly. 

"You just complained I smelled, so I'm gonna go shower", Yugyeom said as he walked out of the room.  
He could just here Jaebum say: "You brat, at least clean the milk-", before he closed the door and all but ran towards the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Avoidance was key, Yugyeom quickly realized. He stayed in his room for the rest of the day, not offering to join the other members on the trip to the store, since Jaebum would be going too. Yugyeom had never been so embarrassed and ashamed in his life around another person. During those few minutes together in the kitchen he'd felt as though he could explode at any moment, just because he was so mortified.

 

The next week he did his best to not look Jaebum directly in the eyes anymore. He also made sure he was never in his direct presence longer than necessary, which was hard in the studio, because they were constantly in the same room together. At home it wasn't easy either, because if he wanted to avoid Jaebum he had to avoid the other members as well. When they got home they usually all huddled up in the living room to watch a movie or just relax. 

 

So he stayed with them for a while, usually sitting next to anyone furthest away from Jaebum's, as to not arise suspicion, always getting up before whatever movie they'd been watching was finished and announcing that he was going to sleep or take a shower or whatever else mundane thing that wouldn’t arise suspicion. 

 

It was the sixth day that his members finally started to notice. They'd finished eating and were settling themselves in the living room. Jaebum was on the couch, which meant Youngjae, who was lying on the ground with his head on a pillow and his phone held before his face, was the furthest away from him. Yugyeom also grabbed a pillow and made to lay down next to him. 

 

"Yugyeom-ah, hyung is lonely."

 

Yugyeom froze and looked at Jaebum. The other boy was lazily laying on the couch, his phone in one hand and the other stretched out to him, a clear invitation for Yugyeom to grab it and be pulled down next to him.

 

Yugyeom stared at their leader and tried to think if an excuse that wouldn't sound too obvious. It was too early to go to sleep, Mark was in the shower right now, he usually didn't study in weekends-

 

After about ten seconds of frantically thinking Jaebum was frowning and Yugyeom still hadn't come up with anything. 

His heart started beating in his throat. He couldn't, he just could NOT be whiting close proximity of Jaebum right now. All he'd think about was the kiss, he just knew it. He didn't want to think about that, he didn't want to think about the reason why the older boy had kissed him and he certainly didn’t want to think about why he'd kissed back so enthusiastically. 

 

Jaebum made an impatient sound and moved to grab Yugyeom's hand, but Yugyeom snatched his back before the older boy could do so. 

"No, don't-", he quickly swallowed the 'touch me'. He didn't want to hurt Jaebum like that, Yugyeom had had that sentence thrown at his head way back when he was still a trainee and it had hurt more than any other words had ever hurt him. 

 

Hurt still flickered in Jaebum's eyes at the rejection, though and he slowly withdrew his own hand. Youngjae was staring at him, as were Jinyoung and Jackson. 

 

"Yugyeom-", Jackson began carefully, but Yugyeom interrupted him, desperate to get out of there and not see the tenseness of Jaebum's body or the hurt that was still simmering in his eyes. 

 

"Sorry, hyung. I'm very tired, so I'm going to sleep", he lied, using the unbelievable excuse anyway. No one pointed out that was only half past seven and Jaebum nodded rigidly as the younger boy exited. 

 

When he arrived in his room he walked straight towards BamBam, who was on his bed writing something. BamBam let out a surprised sound when Yugyeom crawled in next to him. 

 

"What are you-?", he stopped protesting when Yugyeom buried his face in his neck "What's wrong?" 

 

"Nothing", Yugyeom lied softly and he pulled his best friend's light and bony body a little closer, so he could bury into it a little more. Despite that, it still had a comforting effect to Yugyeom. Maybe because the other boy was so familiar.

 

"Yeah, obviously not. Tell me, Yugyeom", BamBam urged, poking Yugyeom's cheek. Yugyeom whined and turned his head. The smaller boy sighed and Yugyeom felt his hand on his back, gently stroking it. It helped calm Yugyeom down. His thoughts, however, were still there. 

 

"What were you writing?", Yugyeom whispered into his neck. BamBam's hand fell still and Yugyeom felt him swallow. 

 

"A song." 

 

Yugyeom looked up at his friend. 

 

"What song?"

 

"Just one I'd really like to be on the next album", Yugyeom nodded slowly and opened his mouth to say something, bit BamBam quickly spoke up again "it's not finished yet, though. I'll tell you more about it when it is." 

 

Yugyeom hummed and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep.

\---

 

Now that Jaebum knew something was up it seemed as though he was dead set on trying to make Yugyeom comfortable around him again, which meant he tried to always be in Yugyeom's close proximity and talk to him. Of course the opposite was true, as it only made Yugyeom more uncomfortable. He needed space from Jaebum for his inner turmoil to calm down. 

 

It started two days after the whole ordeal in the living room. He quickly sat down next to Yugyeom in the car on their way to the studio. 

Yugyeom hadn't even noticed at first, he had his headphones on and his eyes closed. It was only when he turned to ask BamBam, who usually sat next to him, something that he realized which predicament he was currently in. 

 

Jaebum, who'd looked up at Yugyeom's movement, was looking at him with an open expression, clearly ready to answer whatever question the younger boy'd throw at him. Yugyeom, however, quickly turned towards the window again and did his best to ignore the fact that he was now hyperaware of the tight that was resting against his own, 

 

Jaebum was also extremely considerate and nice during the entire practice, only towards Yugyeom though. 

_"No, don't worry Yugyeomie. Hyung isn't angry. It takes a while to get that move down."_  
"Everyone could've done better. Except for you, Yugyeom. You did a good job."  
"Everyone, look at how Yugyeom's doing it. 

 

He probably thought he'd somehow made Yugyeom angry and was trying very hard to make it up to him without actually confronting him or verbally apologizing. Otherwise known as the _Jaebum-way_.  
This went on for a couple of days, but, seeing how it only made Yugyeom more uncomfortable, he made it a habit to ignore Jaebum when he was being like this, not thanking him for any compliments he gave (mostly because they made his heart race and he figured not reacting to them would at least somewhat help). He also didn’t acknowledge the other boy when he sat next to him. 

 

He could practically feel Jaebum losing patience as time went on. Gradually the compliments during dance practice turned into snapped commands to do better and he stopped trying to make conversation in the car or the living room. 

 

Jaebum finally snapped after about two weeks of it. Yugyeom had subtly changed places in the middle of an interview where he'd been placed next to their leader, so BamBam was sitting in between them. Jaebum noticed and was cold and reserved, and not at all like his loud and charismatic self, for the rest of the interview. 

 

They could practically feel the anger simmering off of him the entire car ride home and everyone stayed quiet, even Jackson. 

 

When they entered the dorm Yugyeom immediately started making his way towards the bathroom, to try and wash the tenseness off of his body, but a hand grabbing his upper arm in a death grip stopped that. 

 

"You. With me", Jaebum snarled and he pulled Yugyeom with him. The younger boy looked at he other members for help, but apparently they’d also grown tired of Yugyeom's attitude and, probably more importantly, the effect it had on Jaebum. So they all stayed quiet and watched with pity as Yugyeom was dragged towards his possible death.

 

Yugyeom got all but thrown into Jaebum and Jackson’s room. He didn't complain however and just sat down, letting the clearly seething other boy have some space. Jaebum used it to pace around.

 

"What the fuck is your deal?", he snapped eventually. "I've been trying to make it up to you for whatever it is I did, but you just keep acting like a child. So tell me, what the fuck is your deal? What did I do for you to treat me like this?!" 

 

He was towering over Yugyeom and from this angle Yugyeom could see his nostrils flaring. He almost laughed, but quickly thought better of it when he saw the way Jaebum's clenched fists trembled. If he didn't want a punch in the face it was probably wiser to not show any form of amusement right now. 

 

What the fuck was he supposed to say, though? God forbid Jaebum finding out about the kiss, It was bad enough with only Yugyeom knowing this mortifying fact. If Yugyeom was dealing with it this way, then he didn’t even want to imagine Jaebum, who was even worse at feeling than he was, dealing with the fact he kissed the younger boy while he was drunk.

 

"I'm just...confused, hyung.", he said quietly, as to not provoke Jaebum anymore.,

 

It wasn't a complete lie. He'd never been this confused about something in his life. Jaebum was the one who'd unknowingly caused it and Yugyeom was dealing with it in a shit way.

 

Jaebum went through a lot of different emotions in the meantime. At first he frowned, then his eyes widened and he suddenly looked so vulnerable it took all Yugyeom not to stand up and try to comfort him, but that expression was gone before Yugyeom even had the chance to start contemplating. Instead there was a feigned neutral expression on his face, which Yugyeom could easily decipher as a fake one by the tenseness of his jaw. 

 

"What are you...confused about?", Jaebum asked in an even tone, a complete turnaround. Yugyeom had never seen Jaebum like this. Before he could even start to figure out which bullshit excuse to use, Jaebum spoke up again. 

 

"Could I perhaps be the one you're confused about?"

 

"How'd you-?", he blurted, before stopping himself. Did Jaebum remember? Then why hadn't he just said so, why would he even accuse Yugyeom of being a brat for no reason? All this time Yugyeom had been so confused and lonely with no one to talk to. And Jaebum had known all along, had seen the way Yugyeom had closed himself off and he never once bothered to try and talk to Yugyeom about it.

 

Anger just started spiking up when Jaebum let out a forced laugh, an unnatural and near hysterical sound.

Yugyeom looked up with an alarmed expression and found Jaebum looking away, seemingly bitter. 

 

"So that's why you're acting like this, huh. That's why you don't want to sit next to me or ignore me when I give you a compliment or look so uncomfortable when I'm just in your neighborhood" 

 

Another laugh. 

 

"Why the hell didn’t you just say I made you feel like that. I would've stopped, trust me. I would've." 

 

Yugyeom frowned and spoke up again, a little louder now that he wasn’t afraid Jaebum was gonna snap at any moment anymore: "Why didn’t you talk to me if you knew? You saw how I was acting! You could've at least tried to do something." 

 

Jaebum tilted his head up at the ceiling and balled his fists again, pressing them harshly against his eyelids as he let out an uneven breath. 

 

"Yeah, guess you're right. I'm sorry...for everything. I won't try to get close to you anymore until you feel comfortable around me again." 

 

He abruptly turned around and started walking towards the door. 

 

"Wait, shouldn't we talk?", Yugyeom asked, bewildered. Was Jaebum seriously going to leave after all that? Without clearing up anything 

 

Jaebum ignored him and pulled the door open, pausing for a second. 

 

"Can I ask you one last thing?” He didn’t wait for Yugyeom’s answer “Who told you? Jackson or Jinyoung?" 

 

Suddenly Yugyeom felt something had gone very wrong in their conversation, that somewhere along the lines one of them, maybe both, had started misunderstanding everything the other was saying, because what Jaebum was saying did not make _any_ sense. 

 

"You know what, it doesn't even matter", Jaebum mumbled as he started walking again, letting the door fall close behind him. Leaving Yugyeom alone to stare at it, more confused than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad people seemed to like the way the story was progressing. I hope you all still do after this chapter! 
> 
> Again, please let me know what you think and don't be shy to contact me on tumblr ~


	3. Chapter 3

Jaebum kept to his word, he didn't try to sit next to Yugyeom in the car anymore, nor did he compliment him or come close to him. In fact, he completely ignored Yugyeom. Didn't even look into his eyes anymore. A part of Yugyeom was relieved, but another, bigger part, was hurt. 

 

It had been two days since their conversation and already it was hell to no get any attention form their leader, to get his gaze avoided. This must have been how Jaebum had felt for weeks getting avoided by Yugyeom. 

 

It didn’t sit right with Yugyeom, at all. They needed to talk again, to clear everything up, Jaebum was obviously upset at him, but Yugyeom didn't know about what. He didn't think it was the kiss. If it had been they’d probably been laughing about it by now. That’s what he like to believe, at least.

 

From what the older man had told him it seemed Jackson and Jinyoung knew about it as well. So he needed to ask them about it. They both weren't easy to get secrets out of. Jinyoung did it out of principle, if somebody trusted him something private he didn’t tell other people, because that's just how he was. Raised, maybe. Or because of past experiences. 

 

Jackson wouldn’t tell because he was loyal to people. He cared about them and didn’t want other people knowing things that could possibly get the people he cared about upset at him...or just upset in general. Jackson didn’t like seeing people upset, he was always the first one to come running when people were crying or visibly distraught. 

 

Jaebum was also like that, only less noticeable to the public. He was often more of a silent comfort, though, as opposed to Jackson's loud comforting. 

 

After four more days of getting the cold shoulder he decided to pry with Jackson, he could probably convince the other boy to tell him by playing on his emotions. Jinyoung probably still wouldn’t tell him if he did. Yugyeom suspected he'd have to literally threaten the other boy with his life for him to talk. And he didn’t want to have to do that, he already was on thin ice with the older man. 

 

He waited until the others had left the dance studio after training and grabbed Jackson's arm when he was about to leave as well.  
"Hyung, can we talk?", he asked quietly, smiling tensely at Youngjae when he turned around. 

 

"You go on ahead. We'll follow", Jackson told the waiting boy after he’d agreed to Yugyeom's request. 

 

He sat down on an office chair and nodded for Yugyeom to start talking when he sat down as well on the couch in front of him. 

 

"Okay, look. Have you noticed Jaebum-hyung acting weird around me lately?", he asked nervously, despit having practiced this conversation in his head several times already.

 

"When isn’t he weird", Jackson laughed, but Yugyeom saw the way he tensed a little. The way his back straightened a bit. It was extremely un-Jackson like. He knew more than he let on.

 

"You know what I'm talking about, hyung", Yugyeom sighed and Jackson's grin almost completely fell off his face when he heard Yugyeom’s tone. 

 

"No, I actually don't, Yugyeom. You've both been acting extremely weird these past few weeks, so I don't know which moment you're referring to specifically right now." 

 

So he hadn’t been as subtle as he'd thought, if Jackson noticed. Then again, Jackson was extremely sensitive to other people's moods. If someone was in a bad one he always tried to cheer them up. 

 

"Just this past week in general ,hyung. He's been ignoring me". Yugyeom couldn't help the dejected tone he said it with, that seemed the work, though, because Jackson frowned a little, scooting closer to Yugyeom.

 

"Ok, yes. I've noticed. Why though? Did you two have a fight?", he inquired. 

 

"Sorta...I mean, remember last week when he wanted to talk to me and pulled me to your room. Thanks for stopping him by the way", Yugyeom couldn’t help but add sarcastically. Jackson had the decency to guiltily look away. "He was very angry because I'd been acting like a jerk towards him and when I said something he suddenly got upset and I don't know why-" 

 

Yugyeom had started rambling and Jackson put up a hand. 

 

"Wait. You have to explain everything, Yugyeomie. If you say it like that I'll never be able to understand what you mean", Jackson said firmly. Yugyeom nodded, Jackson didn’t often act like a responsible hyung, but when he did it always seemed to have a calming effect on Yugyeom. Usually, he'd go to Jaebum if he had trouble, but that wasn't possible now. 

 

"Okay, so…firstly: why were you acting like a jerk towards him?" 

 

Yugyeom hesitated under Jackson's questioning gaze. It was a simple question, but the answer was...complex. At first it had been because of the kiss, but after that it was because of the strange feeling he'd been experiencing around the other boy. 

 

"He kissed me", Yugyeom whispered, ears burning and heart thumping in his throat. After weeks of keeping it a secret. Finally saying it out loud was scary.

 

Jackson's eyes widened slightly in surprise, but besides that he didn’t show any other reaction. Yugyeom should've expected it. Jackson wasn't against the LQBTQ-community, at all. In fact, Yugyeom suspectef Jackson was bi himself (he suspected it, he'd never had the courage to ask and actually confirm it).

 

"When did he?", Jackson asked gently. 

 

"When we came back from the cafe. We were drunk", Yugyeom admitted quietly. 

 

"And you were uncomfortable because...?", Jackson suddenly looked horrified "He didn't force himself on you, right?" 

 

Yugyeom almost choked on his own spit in his haste to object. 

 

"No! God no! Jaebum-hyung wouldn't do that, no matter how drunk he is!"

 

Jackson looked relieved and he relaxed again, slumping against into the chair as he spoke again: "But then why were you uncomfortable?" 

 

"Because! Hyung...I'd never kissed a guy. And it's Jaebum-hyung! Besides, he was shitfaced and didn't know what he was doing, let alone remember it the next day" Yugyeom let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "But that’s beside the point." 

Jackson nodded hesitantly. 

 

"So you were uncomfortable because of that. You remembered and he didn't, so you couldn't talk about it. Okay, I get that. But then what did you say? What did you say to Jaebum to make him upset?" 

 

"That's the thing! I don't know! I have no idea what the hell I said to make him that upset.", Yugyeom suddenly burst out, frustration tightening up his throat. He didn’t understand what he'd said that was so wrong, no matter how many times he went over it in his head. 

Jackson put a calming hand in his shoulder.

 

"Calm down, Yugyeom. Walk me through it. What exactly happened. There’s no need to get upset. We'll work it out." 

 

Yugyeom nodded and took a deep breath, thinking back on one of the most horrible conversations of his life. 

 

"Okay, so he asked me what he did for me to treat him like that and I didn’t know what to say. I mean, what the hell was I supposed to say? I couldn’t exactly tell him the truth. So I just said I was confused. And he suddenly froze and I think he jumped into the wrong conclusions, because he started asking me if he was the one who made him uncomfortable." 

 

Jackson's expressions had gradually started changing. Now Yugyeom was sure Jackson knew what was going on. He wasn.t done yet, though. He just needed a little bit more to push Jackson over the edge, to get him to tell Yugyeom about Jaebum. 

 

"And I thought he was talking about the kiss, obviously, so when he asked me why I didn’t just tell him about how I felt, I told him he could've done something to stop making me uncomfortable." 

 

Jackson closed his eyes with an almost pained expression on his face and Yugyeom knew he almost had him convinced. 

 

"And he told me he wouldn’t get close to me again until I felt comfortable. But this is worse. Seriously, him ignoring me is worse", Yugyeom couldn’t help the genuine pain in his voice at that last sentence.  
Jackson's eyes flew open and he grabbed Yugyeom’s hand. 

 

"I know why he's being like this, I know why he's so hurt, but you have to promise me you won’t tell him you got this from me, okay?", Jackson said, his voice two octave too high. The way it got when he was nervous. Yugyeom was just about to nod when Jackson's other hand grabbed his shoulder, shaking it. 

 

"Promise me, Yugyeom", Jackson yelled dramatically. Yugyeom quickly promised, if only to get Jackson to loosen his grip. Jackson let him go and looked at their intertwined hands. 

 

"Look, Yugyeom", the older boy took a deep breath "The reason why Jaebum-hyung took it so bad and jumped info conclusions is because he's in love with you." 

 

Yugyeom's first impulse was to laugh. Jaebum. In love with _him_. The thought alone was laughable. But when he noticed the serious look on Jackson’s face and he fell quiet. He started considering the ridiculous thought and had to admit that it would explain why Jaebum kissed him. 

 

He quickly dismissed it. There was no way. No. 

 

"Okay, very funny. Now the real reason, please." 

 

Jackson shook his head and spoke up again: "I'm not lying, Yugyeom. Not this time. He’s in love with you, has been for a while now. It would explain at lot, wouldn't it? Why he kissed, why he reacted the way he did when you told him you were confused about him. And uncomfortable around him." 

 

Yugyeom couldn't believe this. It couldn’t be true. It just couldn’t be. 

 

But it was. Jaebum's hurt reaction now made complete sense. He thought Yugyeom was uncomfortable around him because he knew Jaebum was in love with him. As if that would cause Yugyeom to avoid him. 

It was almost funny how it was exactly the opposite, how Yugyeom had avoided the older boy because he didn't want Jaebum being uncomfortable because Yugyeom was feeling these feelings. 

 

Yugyeom let out an breathy sigh when he'd finally processed everything. Jackson squeezed his hand, going to sit down newt to Yugyeom so the younger could lay his head on his shoulder.

 

"He must have been so hurt, thinking that was why I was acting like that towards him", Yugyeom said softly. He couldn’t even imagine what must have been going through Jaebum’s head at he time of their conversation, while Yugyeom had naively thought it was just because of that stupid drunken kiss. Jackson mutely played with his hand, letting Yugyeom's limp, long fingers slide between his own shorter ones.

 

"I should talk to him", Yugyeom whispered eventually. He felt Jackson nod.

 

"You should. But...be careful when you tell him. He might act all tough, but you saw how he got when you hurt him. He's not as strong as he seems. Especially when it comes to you." 

 

Yugyeom nodded absent-mindedly, already mentally preparing himself for the conversation with Jaebum. Jackson dropped his hand and Yugyeom let it fall on his lap, letting it lay there sadly, sprawled out. Yugyeom had never related to something as much in his life. 

 

\---

 

It took Yugyeom a couple days to gather up the courage to talk to Jaebum. In this three days he noticed things he hadn’t noticed before. The way Jaebum would look at him when he thought Yugyeom wasn't looking, the way he looked away with an almost pained expression right before Yugyeom could catch his gaze. The way he'd go out of his way to make sure he didn't touch Yugyeom.  
It hurt Yugyeom to see him like that. And it hurt even more that Jaebum had been like that for a long time without Yugyeom noticing. 

 

That thought entered his mind during a concert. It caused him to drop his mic and stumble. He tried to laugh it off and continue, but the thought was there now. Floating around in his mind, mocking him. 

 

He made a lot of mistakes after that.  
Jaebum was angry, Yugyeom could tell by his tense shoulders and stoic expression. He didn't confront the younger boy, though. Didn't give him the lecture he deserved. Instead he stared out if the window of the car on their way home while Jinyoung and Mark did it for him. 

 

Yugyeom gave some half-hearted apologies to a seething Jinyoung and a clearly disappointed Mark, while he mentally prepared to do the same Jaebum had done last week, grab his arm and take him to his room to talk. 

Maybe he'd just ask, though. 

Or maybe he'd just subtly hang around Jaebum until he asked what his deal was. 

Maybe he'd just do it tomorrow or-

 

No, he sternly told himself when Jinyoung elbowed him out of the way when they were getting out of the car, he needed to do this today. 

 

So he stayed where he was, trying to not let the look Mark cast him get to him. He'd genuinely apologize to the older boy tomorrow, Jinyoung could forget one. He'd ruined that for himself just now. 

 

Jaebum was the last one to leave the car, he gave Yugyeom a questioning look when he blocked his way. Yugyeom swallowed when their eyes met for the first time in a week. 

 

"Can we talk, hyung?", he asked quietly. 

 

Jaebum looked seriously tempted to say no, but nodded. 

 

"Sure, what's up? ", the nonchalance in his voice sounded so forced Yugyeom winced in his place.  
Jaebum looked at him expectantly and the younger wondered if he expected Yugyeom to say what he wanted to say right there, outside, where everyone could see them. 

 

"Shouldn't we go inside?", Yugyeom asked and Jaebum agreed. 

 

Half a minute later they found themselves in the exact same spot in Jaebum's room, except that they were both standing up this time. Having Jaebum not tower over him gave Yugyeom a little more confidence. He took a deep breath and spoke up.

 

"Why don't you get angry at me?"

 

He was met with a stunned silence.

 

"Do you want me to get angry at you?", Jaebum asked disbelievingly after a couple of second. 

 

Yugyeom shook his head and uncomfortably ran a hand though his hair, wincing when his fingers caught in a tangle. 

 

"That didn't stop you before, though. You used to always lecture me when I made as many mistakes as I just did. So why don't you?", Yugyeom asked, scanning Jaebum’s face for a sign of anger or sadness or any other emotion. Jaebum set his jaw, a familiar move. So familiar they’d even started making fun of him for it. Well, it was all fun and games, until it was because of you. 

 

"You know why I'm not", the older boy hissed. 

Yugyeom knew, ar least now he did. 

 

"I do", he acknowledged quietly and he opened his mouth to continue, but Jaebum interrupted him. 

 

"See, so we don’t have to talk about this. I really don’t see what the problem is here? Besides, I'm doing this for you, you ungrateful-", Jaebum forced himself to stop talking and Yugyeom quietly watched as the older man regained him composure and relaxed his jaw. When he looked at Yugyeom again he saw that same vulnerability he’d seen last week and Jackson’s words entered his mind again.

 

 _'He's not as strong as he seems, especially when it comes to you.'_

 

"I can't, Yugyeom. Every time I see you I feel like my heart is going to burst and I want to talk to you and be close to you, but I can't. Because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. Which is so hard, because I feel like every single fucking thing I do makes you uncomfortable, so I can't get angry at you." 

 

Yugyeom wondered how he would've reacted had he not known about Jaebum's feeling. Probably not well. Who was he kidding, he would’ve reacted horribly. He’d proven that with his previous heart-to-heart conversation with the older boy. He probably would’ve made Jaebum's anxiety around him even worse. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice, though, he was going to clear his fucking thing up, because seeing Jaebum like this hurt even more than getting ignored. 

 

"I didn't know when we talked last week", he said, breathlessly. Jaebum's eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

 

"What are you saying?

 

"How you felt about me.", he clarified. “I didn't know." 

 

Jaebum looked even more confused. 

 

"But then why did you-?" 

 

Yugyeom quickly spoke up: "Because you kissed me", the mortified expression on his leader's face would've probably been enough reason to send Yugyeom (and BamBam) into fits of laughter in any other situation "When we came back from our night out, you kissed me." 

 

Jaebum didn't say anything, instead he looked as though he would like to throw himself out of the nearest window. Yugyeom subtly went to stand in front of it. 

When it was clear he wasn't going to speak, Yugyeom decided to.

"That's why I was acting that way then. Because I was confused. And when we talked we misunderstood each other." 

 

Jaebum finally snapped out of whatever trance he'd been in. 

 

"Why were you confused?" 

 

Yugyeom had not expected this question, nor was he prepared to answer it. Despite his nervousness, the initial plan for this conversation had been simple. Clear the misunderstanding up and act like nothing happened after. The relationship between him and Jaebum would miraculously be as it had been, without all the angst, and everyone would be happy.

 

It had been stupid, he realized. But, fair was fair, Yugyeom did also know about Jaebum's feeling. It was only a given Jaebum should also know his. However complicated and all over the place they were.

"Because I kissed you back", he admitted. 

Jaebum sucked in a breath and sat down on his bunk. 

 

"Why did you kiss me back?", he asked. 

 

"You sure aren't going easy on me here, hyung.", Yugyeom laughed desperately, secretly hoping that’d be enough for Jaebum to take pity on him and tell Yugyeom that he was right. That he shouldn’t force Yugyeom to face the feeling he’d been repressing for weeks on the spot. 

 

What a fool he was to forget how coldblooded Im Jaebum could be. 

"I just opened up my heart to you, so it's only fair you should too.", Jaebum deadpanned, his previous nervous- and unsureness gone. How he could he be on the verge of a breakdown one second and eerie calm the next was beyond Yugyeom.

 

"I don't know, hyung. I just, I just wanted to, because it felt like the right thing to do, I guess", the younger man said, finally allowing himself to think back on that night. 

 

"Like the right thing to do?", Jaebum asked and Yugyeom saw a flicker of hope in his eyes. He wondered why his heart sped up at the sight. Let himself wonder. Was it because he felt it, too? 

 

The thought hit him like a freight train and almost left him breathless. 

He felt it, too. The hope that they might be able to become more than just fellow members in a band, more than good friends. He sat down next to Jaebum, feeling the sudden need to be close to him. The older boy didn't back away.

 

"Yeah, like the right thing to do."

 

He felt Jaebum's breath fanning over his face, on his lips. The kiss entered his mind again, the way Jaebum had pushed him again the wall, the way his soft lips had been so demanding against his own, that goddamn smirk of his. 

 

"Do you love me, hyung?", he whispered, Jaebum's eyes widened and Yugyeom didn't miss the tremble of his lips right before he answered. 

 

"Yes. I love you, Yugyeom." 

 

Yugyeom let out a shaky breath leaned in closer, lips millimeters from Jaebum's. 

 

"I might love you, too."

 

Before Jaebum could say anything, Yugyeom kissed him. This kiss was calm, more tender than the one they'd shared before. Maybe because they weren't drunk off their ass or because Yugyeom was leading this one. 

 

It was almost better than the first one, now that alcohol wasn't clouding his mind. When they parted Yugyeom couldn’t help but smile. 

 

"You _might_ love me. Are you kidding me, Yugyeom", Jaebum laughed, but he sounded so overwhelmingly happy that Yugyeom knew he didn't really mind. That he, too, realized that Yugyeom had only just somewhat come to terms with his feeling.

 

"It felt like the right thing to say", Yugyeom giggled, pressing a kiss to Jaebum's cheek. 

 

The older man smiled and fondly took Yugyeom’s face between his hands. 

 

"Well, I'm gonna do the right thing then." 

 

Yugyeom smiled before Jaebum's lips were even on his again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm going to awkwardly end it there lmao. I'm very bad at writing endings, I hope it's not too noticeable. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments, I was very glad to see that I didn't turn out to be the only one outraged by the lack of yugbum on this site. 
> 
> Again, don't be shy to contact me on [tumblr](http://chimchimerie.tumblr.com) and talk to me about yugbum, I think we all need a distraction from the horrible mess that is 2016 :/


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